Thursday, June 18, 2009

A budding Uptown Girl?

Those who are fabulous and famous need to learn that when there is a 33 year age difference, marriages are bound to fail. Long Island’s favorite Piano Man and his 27-year-old cookie, Katie Lee (who is a creepy FOUR years older than Alexa Ray, who is the spawn of Mr. Joel and his old Uptown Girl), have waltzed their way into Splitsville. I’m no polytheist; to me, Billy IS God. If I had to listen to only five songs for the rest of my life, at least four would be classics of his -- songs he reserves for his second and third encores, songs he no longer sings, but rather holds out his microphone, allowing his screaming fans to sing the chorus as he hums along on his harmonica. You know which ones I’m talking about! (Side bar: The fifth song on my list would probably be Lily Allen’s “Not Fair” because, with lyrics like that, how can you not be perpetually amused?) Anyhow, despite my love of all things Billy, I have always felt tres iffy about his situation with his third and most wife. A man who dates and marries a girl who could be his daughter is downright disgusting. But alas, that does not change the fact that the three hours I spent with my parents and sisters (well, BT was essentially a part of the family for the day!) rocking out at Shea Stadium (RIP, tear, tear) last summer were the best three hours I have ever experienced. Hearing about Brenda and Eddie’s divorce, even from the nosebleed section, never sounded so good.

This brings me to my rant of the summer: Mr. Joel, while I have gotten over the frustration of not getting to see Sir Paul McCartney last summer, as I was one of the lucky few who was able to score tickets to the ORIGINAL last play at Shea, why are you failing to perform in NY this season with your ol’ pal Elton? NY is your home! We love you on Long Island! Come back to us. MSG can squeeze you in. Don’t let the divorce get you down. Love, KR (and the rest of the island you call home)

I just don’t get it.

Now, travelling to Katie Lee’s side of the divorce, I have to say, I kind of sympathize with the gal, but for a very specific reason. While the supposed cause of the spilt is the brunette’s budding “friendship” with an Italian designer, I’m sure the Piano Man’s constant touring didn’t help, either. The girl was a nobody before, but now has a collection of cookbooks and her own column in the bible of trash, Cosmopolitan. The column is great: each month, it features a fun recipe that makes my mouth water at first sight of the headline. My only hope is that she gets through the paperwork in time for the next issue. The walnut-crusted tilapia was too good to be true.

Alright. Maybe I don’t sympathize. There’s a good chance she was only in it for the fame and book deal... =) Hey! Maybe now that Katie Lee is out of the picture, I can be his new Uptown Girl. I’d deal with his balding and beer belly if it meant front row tickets every night.

Jeez, who am I, Katie Lee? Rock on.