The Perks of Having Swine Flu, Edition 2

Despite Mamaduke's diagnosis of my condition as entirely non-swine, I'd still like to discuss some perks that come from a more generalized day spent without rising from bed. And by perks, I really mean a few general observations, finds, and whatever-isms that have brought me moderate semblances of sanity on this day of soup and sequestering. I was just trying to sound consistent with today's theme. :-)

1. I've got a few fears in life: cats, mice, and dolphins (I know, I'm strange) currently top the list, but during my childhood, clowns and dogs were prominent figures that I avoided in the same fashion that my housemates are currently avoiding me (oh swine!). Clowns are still a bit sketchy, but I've grown to appreciate the euphoria that accompanies an adorable dog sitting on my lap. (I still experience heart palpitations when an enormous and slobbering ball of ungroomed fur encroaches my personal space, however.) The point of this bullet, though, is that I'd love to mother a little apricot or cinnamon red maltipoo some day. I will name her Daisy (after Long Island's fictitious princess, Daisy Buchanan) and pamper her with preppy doggy wear for her three-pound frame. Also, in my utopia, she won't experience any bodily functions beyond the occasional bark... ;-)

2. My shoe obsession is getting a little out of hand... As much as I should listen to the aforementioned Mamaduke about the fact that I literally have no space to accommodate my ever-growing collection of heels, flats, booties, and slippers, I can't help but fall victim to fabulously crafted footwear. So, in an attempt to save money while still accumulating a Carrie Bradshaw-approved collection, I turned to the mastermind behind dirt cheap shoes: Payless. I know. That place. The last time I set foot in the land of "BOGO" it was to relieve my stiletto-scarred tootsies from a day of walking through Manhattan. (I was in such pain that I didn't even care about purchasing pink, slipper-esque flats to wear with a super chic pinstripe pencil skirt and matching suit jacket. I was a fashion "don't" to the max, but did not care in the least!) Anyhow, Project Runway's favorite tranny, Christian Siriano, designs a line for the retailer, and while I imagine the actual products to be uncomfortable and short-lived, some of the options are seriously cute! Plus, at a mere $35.00 each, who cares if they make a public appearance only once? While I normally despise (despise!) peep-toes, I'd channel the urban outfitter within and wear the left pair with brightly colored tights. The right pair, on the other hand, speaks for itself and showcases a look that just screams New Year's Eve. Of course, though, there are none in stock on the website -- and that's even more of a fashion crime than wearing slippers with a suit in the world's trendiest city.

3. Potential suitors (hahahahahhahahahahhaha...ha), please pay attention: I have found an engagement ring that I actually like! (Disclaimer: I am no where near the wedding stage of my life. I have a life to live and a non-studio apartment to buy before that happens, so give me 10 years or so. ha!) Anyhow, I've never been a huge fan of the glamorous left hand adornments. Princess cuts, cushion cuts, platinum settings, super-duper clarity... It's all as Greek to me as a life in which Legally Blonde is not watched on a fairly frequent basis. (Seriously. What a travesty!) I chalk my general dislike of engagement rings to the fact that I'm not much of a jewelery fiend to begin with. Also, I much prefer gold glitz to silver or platinum shininess. However, Harry Winston has changed my opinion of engagement bling with this ring. It probably costs the same amount as the killer apartment I'm buying some day, so it's a good thing I'm choosy... ;-)