Sunday, September 13, 2009

KR's Kanye Controversy Commentary

WELL NOW! In the words of the rapper whose name clouds just about every Facebook and Twitter status on this very VMA evening, "This is bad, real bad." You'd think a national tragedy struck this evening, but no. My Stonehill townhouse of T. Swift superfans were just in utter outrage when Mr. West stole the princess of country's thunder -- just seconds after Madge paid tribute to America's favorite pedophile. To say the least, it was an interesting start to the music awards ceremony that I still associate with Christina Aguilera's pink and feathered Cavalli dress, Lil Kim's infamous "jiggle," and Britney's atrocious "come back" circa "BLACKOUT." Now, though, my previous VMA memories are clogged with images of Lady GaGa's facial coverings (Um?), Pink's Cirque du Soleil-esque trapeze act (I was entertained, I'll admit it), and the aforementioned acrobat and SheWolf's identical dress (Neither wore it best: Pink's arms looked manly -- surely due to those mid-air flips! -- and Shakira's boots were a bit to domanatrix for my liking.).

Despite the show's countless bits of mindless entertainment, however, the highlight of the evening was certainly Sasha Fierce's speech, which allowed Little Miss Taylor to thank her director, little brother's high school, and MySpace fans. I've never seen a stronger (pun DEFINITELY intended, Kanye) display of positive public relations on the part of Ms. Fierce and her team of image consultants. Beyonce's class, despite being an effort with "free press" written all over it, made me love the non-single lady even more. New (albeit unattainable...) life mission: learn to dance like Beyonce and her two back-up booty shakers. (Side note, and yes-I-Know-this-is-old-news): One of them is a tranny! I still can't get over that. It makes me miss Natasha -- the Thai tranny I met on a bus trip to Amsterdam last October. (S)he and I chatted about the wonders of New York fashion, among other things, until (s)he was held at the Calais border and not permitted back into the UK, that is. I don't know about you, but I've got a hunch that it had something to do with the fact that her (his?) passport read MALE! Yes. This actually happened. It was the highlight of my European excursions.)

But back to the VMAs! Here are five quick, closing observations:

1. I can't say I'm gaga for GaGa. From her Kermit the Frog escort to her insane outfits, the Yonkers native took things a bit too far this evening. To those out there who claim she's the new Madonna, hush up! It's not going to happen.

2. Speaking of Madge, her MJ-loving speech bothered me. It tried to cover up his shady ways a bit too hard. I love the man's music, don't get me wrong, but in the words of my boldly blunt Aunt J (who also happens to be the world's greatest Material Girl fan), "At least there's one less child abuser on the street!" Stick to Kaballah, M.

3. How can you pay tribute to MJ without MOONWALKING to Billie Jean? I may or may not have screamed at the TV when that didn't happen. Seriously?

4. Where was Lily Allen?! If there's a new Madonna out there, it's certainly the Brit whose lyrics push every boundary imaginable. (Well, maybe not the new Madonna... I don't see Lily singing about boys who are "really mean" (ahem.) while crawling across a stage in a wedding dress...)

5. The VMAs belong in NYC.

Goodnight to all. Team Taylor 4-eva. Ha. (Don't I sound like a middle school-aged biddy?)

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